I'm Tired

So last night I was a little stressed out from a long day of student teaching and decided to relax with my roommates… I got a little too high. This led to me sleeping through my first 3 alarms this morning. So at 7:18am I had to bolt out of bed, throw on my jacket and tie with an extra thick slab of deodorant to cover the smell of my sleep and lack of preparation. I had also in the early morning panic forgot to grab my lunch and morning coffee sitting on the kitchen table. So here I was on hump day when I see my two biggest classes. Great kids each and everyone. Some need a little… *ehem* encouragement to pay attention in class but when they get it they get so excited. But needless to say they can be a chore sometimes. Today was one of those days, we had to move on from our lesson and they were giving me a really tough time. As a brand new teacher this was frustrating but I can see a little clearer a full meal and 4 hours later where I could’ve improved on my end. Teaching can be a challenge but it’s the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done… which makes what I saw on tv when I got to dinner tonight that much harder to see.

For what seems like my entire college career every few months or so I’ve walked into the dinning hall on campus and fox news will be on the tv in the first room and it’ll be showing a breaking news headline about a mass shooting somewhere. Sometimes a school, sometimes a nightclub sometimes a concert of some kind and every time I would think about the families and how robbed they must feel and how sad the whole thing is. But today was different. Today was the first school shooting to make national news since I’d entered the class room to student teach and I felt a totally different reaction. It was a combination of two emotions I’m not all that familiar with… I was simultaneously in a white hot rage and totally consumed by hopelessness. Now I’ll be the first to tell you that I’m pretty optimistic, but today all I could imagine what I would be like if even one of my students, that I’ve only known for a month had something happen to them. The immediate follow up thought was what kind of media shit storm would fly through following it. The anti gun calls, the reaction, the reaction to the reaction, and the eventual apathy and forgetfulness that leaves nothing but some tweets in its wake and an empty chair in a classroom.

It’s been a long day for me but I will be a lot longer for many in Florida today. My thoughts and prayers are with the families right now despite how hollow that sentiment might feel right now, it being Ash Wednesday I feel like they could use some looking out for tonight. My rage remains reserved for the apathetic, spineless and selfish politicians and philistines that continue to deny the existence of a problem in this country. And my hopelessness is only lessened by the belief that what I did in my classroom today and what I do everyday might make even the slightest impact on what happens in the future. I'm tired, but I get to get some sleep tonight and try again tomorrow. 

This must be it...

Oh hey, didn't see you there...

Mostly because you were here, this blog that I started college with all intention of keeping up with and sharing all my important events. Well that did not turnout as expected, but here I am none the less about a week away from starting my final semester of college, and its not even classes, I am student teaching which means I have to now turn around for the first time ever and formal educate the youths of tomorrow... god bless those kids. But anyway before I drone on too much about the impending existential dread over taking me I figured I'd catch you up on anything you might have missed.

1. What did you do in 2017 that you'd never done before?

I grew an honest to goodness beard. I was long enough, fluffy enough and bothersome enough for me to count it and for it to bother my family. I coincided with my final semester of classes and the writing of my senior thesis as well all which were big things in 2017 so I'll always connect my beard to these bench marks. 

2. Did you keep your New Years Resolutions and will you make more for next year?

I don't make a habit of making promises I can't keep. So I don't usually make a new years resolution. That being said this summer I made a resolution to be a yes man. Not in the push over sense but in the sense that I would be excited and open to new opportunities. I spent a lot of long nights and even more cash on that promise but it was worth it. Easily a top 3 summer of my life. 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No births, love was certainly in the air in 2017 and probably in 2018 as well but no little ones just yet. 

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Unfortunately a friend from high school passed away. She's gone but she'll never be forgotten. 

"Cause I know it's warmer where you are
Cause no matter how far the viewI still always look up to you"

-One Step at a Time: Four Years Strong (Acoustic)

5. What countries did you visit?

Aruba was unfortunately just over the calendar last December so 2017 was a domestic affair.

6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?

A sense of permanence. This one is a little tough to explain but 2017 had a lot of good healthy and past due change which I welcomed, but in 2018 I wouldn't mind some stability and some cornerstones to fall into place especially with all the personal change I know I'll have to go through. 

7. What dates from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory and why?

I always have this problem because I terrible with dates but 2017 was the first time I used a planner at school so I'll give it my best try:

3/4: Spring Break 2k17 kicks off with a bang ;)
4/1: Pig Roast Junior Year ft Kathryn 
4/24: A lesson in responisbility
4/30: Beach Week 2k17 and Arguably too much four loco 
5/7: T-Pain (kinda... it was raining so we left early)
5/8: Achievement Unlocked: Legally able to make bad choices and be punished for them. 
5/28: Drew Graduates High School 
5/31: A fire to remember 
(This is where things get hazy so I'm going to list some Wednesdays and attach good memories.)
6/7: A fine day of plain sailing weather
6/14: Eddy O with the Jack in the Wine Glass
6/16-18: CVS Classic, and a wet one at that
6/30 I quit my first job 
7/4: Mike pukes and we all laugh and then Thom Pukes
7/8: Fonts Family Wedding 
7/26: Last Everything or Nothing Show: all good things must come to an end
7/--: SWMRS in Providence with Thom and Jack/ we also go to the bay and sing at the moon 
8/8: A gentleman's agreement is agreed to
8/26: Last summer move down to Richmond
8/27: Last shave before the beard
9/15-16: Craziest bender of my life, multiple laws broken in what can only be described as nonstop fun
10/2: PRAXIS II: Aced it
11/4: I do hot yoga and almost die
11/17: Drew scores his first career basket for Providence College in Madison Square Garden and I'm there to watch in person.
11/23: A very Lit Fonts Family Thanksgiving
12/12: Thesis Submitted, final exam, beard shaved, first taste of Johnny Walker Black
12/25: a White Christmas
12/31: a Happy New Year

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Finishing my formal education and submitting my thesis. It is the hardest I've ever academically worked and it was so rewarding to submit it and make Dean's list my last full semester at school. 

9. What was your biggest failure?

Failure seems like a strong word but my lack of consistency with my fitness is something I hope to get better with in 2018 along with being a little more confident overall. I'm trying to make a good impression in 2018.  

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Some sniffles along the way with the occasional fever but alls well that ends well. My hangovers are short and they only last until I eat so I'm not complaining about anything. 

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Thats a tough one. Honestly, probably something I ended up eating... but the paint job I got on my fender bass guitar makes me so happy that I probably have to go with that. 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Honestly my friends are so great, anyone in the group chat, mike, maya, claire, Thom, Carter all around great people. Couldn't have asked for better friends.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled?

Appalled seems a bit harsh but I don't want to go all dad and say disappointed but sometimes friendships and relationships don't work out. sometimes they slowly fad away and deteriorate and sometimes they explode in a fiery display. I would never name names for something like this, but it happened and 2018 will be better because of it. 

14. Where did most of your money go?

Food. Booze. Music. Next question. 

15. What did you get really, really excited about?

Honestly my friends get me excited for anything, music, movies, a fire, work. If I'm with my friends its an event not to be missed.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2017?

Voldemort: With Confidence
The Only One: Transit
Came out Swinging: The Wonder Years
Good Nature: Turnover
Mess: Real Friends
Pothole: Modern Baseball
Walt Grace's Submarine Test, January 1967: John Mayer
Make Believe: Riviera
Sad Love Story: Silence the Radio
Higher Powers: Ten Cents Short
THE ENTIRE ALBUM Tape Deck Heart: Frank Turner (Deluxe Edition)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?

(a) Happier I'd say... more determined.
(b) A few less pounds but maybe more well built.
(c) I'm down a few bucks but emotionally you should call me bill gates. 

18. What do you wish you had done more of?

Traveled. Gotten out of the north east and seen a bit more of the country that I haven't yet. 

19. What do you wish you had done less of?

Sitting around. Relaxing is good and important but you can't was time on things you can't change.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Very low key at home in Portsmouth. Then the next 10 days were spend ping ponging all over creation for 3 families and 2 friends. 

21. Did you fall in love in 2017?

That's an interesting question.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

West Wing will always be my baby but Sports Night, The Newsroom and Brooklyn 9-9 all won me over big time this year. 

23. Do you hate someone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Again with all these strong words. There are a couple of people I probably wont be speaking much too. I don't hate them but its better that we decided to go our separate ways. But also some people in our government. We are coming for you boys in 2018. 

24. What was the best book you read?

I unfortunately did not have much reading for pleasure time during my thesis writing process but I can recommend "A Little History of the World" by  E.H. Gombrich and as always one of my favorites "The Unforgiving Minute" by Craig Mullaney.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

2017 was the year that Lin Manuel captured my heart and ear so he gets an honorable mention but this year I was dominated by indie rock, Transit, the Killers, Modern Baseball, the Menzingers and Turnover all grabbed me by the alt rock feels this year. 

26. What did you want and get?

A good education and a lot of good memories.

27. What did you want and not get?

That's an interesting answer to an interesting question. 

28. What was your favorite film of the year?

La La Land (it was this years Oscars I'm counting it)
Spiderman: Homecoming
BABY DRIVER
The Florida Project
Wonder Woman
Dunkirk
Thor Ragnarok 
All the Money in the World

29. What is one thing that made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Good music,  great drink and legendary friends. 

30. How would you describe your fashion concept in 2017?

Wannabe punk meets young professor. 

31. What kept you sane?

Mary-Jane. To soon for a Green Day reference? Fine. The relationships I'm able to lean on when ever  need to. 

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Honestly anyone brave enough to stand up in 2017/2018 and call the world on its bullshit gets a knowing nod of approval from me. I'm never going to keyboard battle someone online but I always see the people out there fighting the good fight and they all get my fancy this year and every year until the world gets its head back on straight. 

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

The sexual assaults that came out this year. Not only the magnitude of them but the gray area being painted around some of them like they might not have happened or "been that bad". The thought of what each of those women had to, has to and will have to go through because of all these men makes me visibly ill. 2018 needs to do better.

34. Who do you miss?

Rosie, Papi, Abby, my long distance friends my emotionally long distance friends.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017.

Everyone is always fighting a battle. It could be large or small, personally or painfully public. Always consider that before you day or do anything. 

36. Quote a song lyrics that sums up your year:

"Together We'll Ring In The New Year"
by Motion City Soundtrack

This must be it.
Welcome to the new year.
The drinks were consumed,
the plants were destroyed,
and the hors d'oeuvres dismantled.
I'm not smiling
behind this fake veneer.
I am often interrupted
or completely ignored,
but most of all I'm bored.

I'm trying to find out
if my words have any meaning.
Lackluster and full of contempt
when it always ends the same.

Why won't she listen to me?

Why did I come?
Oh, why did I come here?
These humans all suck.
I'd rather be home
feeling violent and lonely.
I'm not trying to sound so insincere,
but the postcard that's taped to the freezer reads:
"Wish you were here."
How I wish I could disappear.

I'm trying to find out
if my words have any meaning.
Lackluster and full of contempt
when it always ends the same.

Heads up Damage Control,
there's a ring around her finger.
Last chance for changing lanes, 
and you missed it by a mile.

Why won't she listen to me?

This must be it.
Welcome to the new year.

Happy Holidays everyone,

My phone is always on,

Fonts